About Me - Arnie Buss, Ph.D.

All my university degrees couldn't help me as I stared at the divorce papers I had just been served. Twenty one years before I was a deeply in love new husband thinking looking to a long and happy life with my lovely wife. When our three boys were born, I was looking forward to them growing up and having a family of their own, with grandchildren to dote on.

That dream was dashed that day. We had been separated for 6 months at that point, and it looked hopeless. In addition to grieving the loss of my marriage dreams, I feared for how this would affect our boys.

Then my wife came to me with a plan. Even though our marriage would be over, she convinced me that we needed to learn to communicate with each other for the sake of our children. Her solution was a class in Effective Communication, which she dragged me to - kicking and screaming. The things I learned in that class were a revelation to me! I realized that not only had I done a poor job of listening to my wife, but saw a better way. Thanks to those skills, Nancy and I were able to talk through our problems at a deeper level than I ever thought possible. Thanks to the communication skills, conflicts did not have to become fights (as they had), but opportunities for deepening intimacy. And by the end of the year, I moved back home and we reconciled. And that has a huge impact on our children.

In the 20 years since then, our marriage is better than ever. More than that has been the effect on our children.

Now my oldest two boys have families of their own, and my wife and I get to be the grandparents we always dreamed. Having modeled reconciliation, each of their relationships is so much stronger than ours was at first.

That is why I am passionate about helping relationships, as my marriage had been restored. Perhaps you are in a similar situation as I was. Maybe you are fighting the same fights over and over. It's understandable to  think it's hopeless - I don't certainly though so before my epiphany about communication. If things seem hopeless, please know that I was once there too - and found hope. If this reinstates with you, I'd love to have a conversation about how you can turn things around.